#58 :Behind the Talk – What If the Mirror Isn’t the Problem?
Standing on that TEDx red dot, lights in my eyes, applause filling the room. I suddenly realised… I wasn’t just telling my story, I was rewriting my own inner critic.
In that moment, everything I my inner critic says came with me onto the stage, the nerves, the self-doubt, the fear of being judged. Yes, even the irrational worry I might actually wet myself (I wish I was joking).
I wanted to change the way women viewed themselves.
To do that, I had to talk honestly about how I saw myself. The cruel things I’d said in my head, and the quiet, constant self-criticism that had followed me for years.
The truth? I’d never spoken about some of the things my inner critics says out loud before, at least not to a room full of people who don’t know who I am.
When my sister-in-law heard me call myself “fat” while I was writing the talk and she looked shocked. She’d never heard me say it.
But my inner critic? It said it all the time. I knew that if I did that, acting as if what I say to myself was a dirty little secret and causing this silent shame inside me, I knew other people did too. which is why it became a very important topic for me.
Listen to the Podcast Episode Here
The Backstory
If you’d told me a few years ago that I’d be doing a TEDx talk, I’d have laughed. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t believe I could.
Then, at a conference in Portsmouth, I watched a speaker named Hannah share her message. I suddenly saw myself standing where she stood.
It was like something clicked.
And yes, I awkwardly told her afterwards the talk that she’d inspired me, because I think it’s important to tell people when they change your life.
Her courage shifted what I believed was possible for me.
Fast-forward nine months and a TEDx Gosport post appeared on social media.
Without thinking, I heard myself say, “You need to do that.”
So, I applied.
I called my talk Beyond the Mirror: The Stories We Tell About Our Bodies and How to Change Them.
Bit wordy, I know.
I wanted to talk about something raw, the way our inner critic speaks to us about our bodies, and how those quiet, unspoken stories shape everything we believe we can or can’t do.
The Chaos Before the Red Dot
To my surprise, I was shortlisted. Cue instant panic.
I sweated through the interview (literally), cried after, and convinced myself I’d failed.
Then came the rejection email — and oddly, relief.
But the next day… another message: “A spot has opened up. Do you want it?”
I immediately wanted to say no, because my fear brain had kicked in and not longer believed it was for me. But I said Yes anyway, because my gut was telling me something different.
Writing the talk was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
I practised in the car, in the shower, even on the toilet.
I rewrote, doubted, and rehearsed again and cue the cycle of rehearsing and rewriting with tears, fears, and endless self-talk along the way.
What If the Mirror Isn’t the Problem?
The talk opened wounds that hadn’t properly healed. It especially touched on the belief that no one will listen because people won’t like me. There is a whole story about that I will share some other day. It reminded me why I do what I do, which is simple, to help women feel good about who they are.
It’s called What if the Mirror Isn’t the Problem because the mirror was never the enemy. it was the stories I believed about what I saw.
Here are the three reframes that change your inner critic voice:
Notice the inherited inner critic stories.
So many of our beliefs aren’t ours, they’re hand-me-downs from family, culture, and media.
“Muscly women look manly.” “Thin equals worthy.” “don’t have a nice smile.” “I can’t wear that because of my body.”
Often we absorb them before we are old enough to question them.
Ditch the shoulds.
When I stopped living by what I should do, I found peace.
“Should” is often someone else’s rule, not your truth.
Surround yourself with new stories.
I cleaned up my social feed. No more “fitspiration,” no more comparison traps.
Instead, I follow women and men who inspire, educate, make me laugh, and remind me that life’s too short to feel bad about your body.
What I Learned on the Red Dot
That day wasn’t about lights or claps.
It was about courage.
Knowing fear was there but choosing to do it anyway.
It taught me that the work I do, helping women rewrite their health and body stories, is exactly where I’m meant to be.
To help women break free from the invisible handcuffs that keep them small.
You don’t need to be superhuman to change your story.
You just need awareness, compassion, and a willingness to turn left when life told you to go right.
So, next time you find yourself standing in front of the mirror, remember this:
It’s not you that needs fixing. Promise.
👉 Watch my TEDx talk here – What If the Mirror Isn’t the Problem
Join my free 5-day mini email series – Rewriting Your Story
Most of us have been taught to blame our bodies or beat ourselves up for not being “enough.”
The truth? It’s not your body that needs fixing. It’s the inner critic story’s you’ve been carrying about it.
This series gives you five clear, easy-to-use steps to notice that story, question it, and start living a healthier, happier, more confident life
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