What Is Negative Self-Talk?

We call this Rude Roommate, Negative self talk and as you may have gathered its when you’re speaking to yourself like a arsehole. Unintentionally I will say, its not something we have complete control over. The brain is just chit chattering away all day, sometimes its helpful and guiding sometimes it’s a dick.

Common Types of Negative Self-Talk:

• The Perfectionist:
  • “If it’s not perfect, it’s a failure.”
• The Catastrophiser:
  • “I messed up—everything is ruined.”
• The Comparer:
  • “She’s so much fitter/more successful/prettier than me.”
• The Inner Bully:
  • “You’re so useless, why can’t you get it right?”
• The Fortune Teller:
  • “I’m definitely going to fail.” (even when you have no evidence)

Have a think about what you hear your Rude Roommate saying to you? What are the most common sentences they say?

Here’s the thing, they are not harmless voices in our heads, they can have major impacts on our lives, and all areas of our lives.

This inner voice impacts us:

• Emotionally: Increases anxiety, self-doubt, and low self-esteem.
• Mentally: Creates limiting beliefs, the things we believe to be true about ourselves, that hold you back.
• Physically: Can lead to stress-related symptoms like poor sleep or fatigue.
• Behaviourally: Makes you less likely to try new things or pursue goals.

It’s like you arch enemy has given you a parrot that you’ve allowed to sit on your shoulder all day long for years, squawking insults at you.

Listen to the Podcast Episode Here

Why Are We So Rude to Ourselves?

Negative self talk is one of the many things handed down by our ancestors from the days when we needed to be more focused on survival. Back in the day it was important to be hyper aware of danger to keep us alive, the brain was more focused on thoughts that are about survival rather than cheerful thoughts that would bring us a little joy.

It’s the brain natural negativity bias.

However, we also have the society we live in; Self criticism has become a full time job.

We are bombarded with ideal beauty standards. The edited, filtered images that make it impossible to reach and almost impossible to not compare ourselves too.

An industry which profits off your self criticism from lotions and potions to the next shiny diet or fad weight loss hack and high street botox, all designed to make you feel like you aren’t enough how you are.

Just as a note, I have nothing against lotions or botox, it’s the marketing around them I don’t like, preying on your insecurities.

but the result is this nagging inner voice reminding you that you aren’t Thin/ young enough / pretty enough.

and we also our personal experiences that shape how our inner voice speaks to us.

This inner voice is shaped by the people we had around us and the experiences we had.

People who expected perfection from you, even if it was never said but implied, you might have internalised this and the inner voice about how everything has to be perfect or its not good enough.. You’re not good enough.

Bullying can plant the seeds of self doubt and self worth and those bullies voices become your life long scripts.

And mine, its from trauma: the fear of rejection and fear of failure is my most prominent inner voice. It caused me to be fiercely and detrimentally independent, friendships are a minefield for inner voice, Little Jools has a lot to say about that one. And the fear of failure either makes me really suborn about getting shit done until a burn out or I never get started.

Negative self talk is part of being a human, it has no reflection on your worth and its totally changeable with awareness, kindness and plenty of practice turning them around.

Strategies to Shut Up the Negative Self Talk

👩‍🦳 Name your inner voice

Give it a silly name to reduce its power and create distance from it

Moaning Myrtle or Judgy Judy

😙Use the Friend Filter

f you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t allow yourself to say it to you

Negative self talk: You’re so lazy for skipping the gym

Friend filter: You’re tired today, it’s ok to rest.

🤔Reframe the Narrative

Challenging you rude roommate with kinder not true statement

Instead of: I’m rubbish at this

Try: I’m still learning, and its ok

😂Use humour to defuse it

When your brain spits out a cruel thought, respond with a witty response

Nagative Self Talk: You look awful in that

Witty reply: Cheers for the input, Gok Wan

😍Practice Self Compassion

Imagine speaking to a small child or your younger self and use gentle understanding language… Don’t bully yourself!

Your inner critic isn’t going anywhere—but you can teach it some manners.

With practice, patience, and a bit of humour, you can transform that rude roommate into a somewhat bearable houseguest.

✨ So next time your brain offers you a critique, give it a cheeky wink and say, “Not today, Brenda. Not today.”

Have a go at naming your inner critic – share in the comments!